tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.comments2024-02-20T12:42:49.383+05:30Ugly, but BearableAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comBlogger571125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-590239088606836502011-11-02T15:32:29.967+05:302011-11-02T15:32:29.967+05:30congrats..good luck with all the wedding prepcongrats..good luck with all the wedding prepAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-7297544451552250042011-10-28T06:26:38.764+05:302011-10-28T06:26:38.764+05:30congrats!!!
btw looks like google is taking the ...congrats!!! <br /><br />btw looks like google is taking the netflix route of 'messing up'colourshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16283844667517737440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-59492135191727643522011-04-17T14:08:45.794+05:302011-04-17T14:08:45.794+05:30I am already on twitter, though I haven't quit...I am already on twitter, though I haven't quite figured out how to use it well enough. Let me add you...as far as Google Reader goes, I prefer using a desktop aggregator..Rahul Tom Josephnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-14519576213850048452011-04-12T00:47:38.816+05:302011-04-12T00:47:38.816+05:30RTJ! Good to see you that you've finally lande...RTJ! Good to see you that you've finally landed up on this blog as well, though admittedly it's going slowly defunct.<br />FWIW, so far none of the other nosy cousins who've landed up on the blog have bothered pointing this out to my parents. <br />Now that you've got here, can I also convince you to get active on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/uglybutbearable" rel="nofollow">twitter</a> and/or <a href="http://www.google.co.in/reader/shared/04264804845961571288?hl=en" rel="nofollow">Google Reader</a>?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-35679115010026814682011-04-11T14:58:04.447+05:302011-04-11T14:58:04.447+05:30Alright, ignore the postscript. I just read your c...Alright, ignore the postscript. I just read your clarifications. "But monae, why would you think you are ugly?" Hilarious!Rahul Tom Josephnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-35528835370921715512011-04-11T14:42:37.228+05:302011-04-11T14:42:37.228+05:30And what if a nosy cousin points this blog out to ...And what if a nosy cousin points this blog out to your parents? :)<br /><br /> I wonder why I didn't stumble upon this earlier. Made for very interesting, and amusing reading. At least in a Malayalee context, I have to agree that conditions are more favourable to the groom. Though it’s not just an inflated sense of self-worth that makes it such. The same parameters that deem a male worthy, often work against a prospective bride. Educational background, primarily. An IIT/IIM grad (male) would be much sought after, whereas a female with the same qualifications would be seen as being too ambitious, or independent for her own good. <br /><br />My 0.02 ¢ (though lacking basis in any established theory, cept my own).<br /><br />P.S. In the off chance that you are looking to find love online, wouldn’t “Ugly, but Bearable” work against you? Don’t sell yourself short Joe!Rahul Tom Josephnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-15561704179655510682011-03-20T22:58:39.334+05:302011-03-20T22:58:39.334+05:30Hey, Amit! I see you've finally found my blog....Hey, Amit! I see you've finally found my blog. Glad you liked it.<br />:)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-86695918018371142852011-03-19T21:48:33.893+05:302011-03-19T21:48:33.893+05:30Its hilarious :)Its hilarious :)Amit Guptanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-18825035440842354152011-02-18T08:50:47.272+05:302011-02-18T08:50:47.272+05:30You’re treading on dangerously thin ice here. I AM...You’re treading on dangerously thin ice here. I AM the only one allowed to insinuate/state outright that I obviously have a lot of free time at work.<br /><br />And when I said wild horses or sneaky persuasion, I meant to imply a game of twenty questions too.<br /><br />- AgainstmybetterinstinctsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-36341073287798184882011-02-18T00:58:12.684+05:302011-02-18T00:58:12.684+05:30ok then, Hyderabad? Singapore was my first guess s...ok then, Hyderabad? Singapore was my first guess since that was where most of the page hits were coming from. You obviously seem to have a lot of free time at work. <br /><br />Are you sure you can't come up with a better moniker than SAAA?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-82306050026606651182011-02-17T23:29:31.509+05:302011-02-17T23:29:31.509+05:30Spent an incredibly long time wondering where on e...Spent an incredibly long time wondering where on earth Singapore came up from. And THEN the bulb flickered on. We work on VMs (then again, I posted the comments while at home, so why Singapore?). And now I have a vague feeling I have revealed myself to be a blogging world ignoramous. Anyway, I yam lawkkal only. And that's all I'm saying…wild horses couldn't drag more out of me! Neither could sneaky persuasion:P<br /> <br />Now buck up and think about your next blog post. I've finished all the 'back issues', at least the ones that didn't involve economics (meh) or cricket (bigger meh)…yeah I was THAT vella at work:)<br /><br />- SAAAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-44910326226658735492011-02-17T01:16:59.157+05:302011-02-17T01:16:59.157+05:30Oh I'm sorry, was that meant to be a guess at ...Oh I'm sorry, was that meant to be a guess at my location?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-3432911755240669302011-02-17T01:15:49.735+05:302011-02-17T01:15:49.735+05:30Singapore what?
- SAAASingapore what?<br /><br />- SAAAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-67712233613348220262011-02-17T00:57:14.617+05:302011-02-17T00:57:14.617+05:30Make an exit? Aww. And just when we were getting t...Make an exit? Aww. And just when we were getting to know each other too. :-)<br /><br />Sorry about the lack of line spacing.<br /><br />There's a difference between 'growing up with a strong female presence' and having a mother who is too domineering. The former is preferable to the latter, especially if you're evaluating potential grooms. <br /><br />As for changing preferences, <a href="http://uglybutbearable.blogspot.com/2010/12/first-comes-dictatorship-then-comes.html?showComment=1293128574054#c3642478434217609698" rel="nofollow">Kanishka</a> also referred to it, albeit in a more theoretical context. In your example, keep in mind that the guy's family could afford to have high expectations for 2 years, whereas the girl's probably weren't expecting that much anyway.<br /><br />For what it's worth, I didn't get past page 2 either :-) I just happened to read Ariely's summary of the research earlier and googled to find this paper. <br /><br />Singapore, huh?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-6644167350437912852011-02-16T21:08:24.606+05:302011-02-16T21:08:24.606+05:30Scratch that snide remark about the paragraph...th...Scratch that snide remark about the paragraph...the text appears okay now and I can actually see the space:)<br /><br />-SAAAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-52722861362659852242011-02-16T20:36:54.609+05:302011-02-16T20:36:54.609+05:30Well I always thought I was reasonably well-read…n...Well I always thought I was reasonably well-read…not any more:( <br /><br />-SAAAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-67167152242186452602011-02-16T20:21:59.156+05:302011-02-16T20:21:59.156+05:30Hahaha! Now that's a first for me! Makes me fe...Hahaha! Now that's a first for me! Makes me feel vaguely sleazy…as if I just asked you to "make fraanship".<br /><br />And no, you don't:) <br /><br />Took me multiple attempts to read the whole thing though. Not a huge fan of the paragraph I see:) <br /><br />So, you do have a point there…regarding the parameters of search. But I just have to reiterate that parents of brides are just as 'nitpicky'. I know of someone whose parents rejected a guy because they thought the mother was too domineering (and they came to this conclusion because it was the mother who did most of the talking on the phone)! And this is a true story….I didn't just make it up to prove a point:) I for one would have thought it would be a point in the guy's favour…yeah, I have this vague idea that guys who have grown up with a strong female presence in their lives will have more respect for women (no empirical proof though...the strongest woman I know has no sons:) What do you think?). <br /><br />Another thing, even if the guy's family do start off with highfalutin expectations, they become realistic enough when there is a dearth of options. I know somebody who wanted a "fair and beautiful" bride. He kept rejecting proposals till he finally got fed-up after a year or two and married somebody who is not beautiful by any stretch of imagination (yes, that was mean, I know). She is an angel of a person, but given the amount of interaction between prospective brides and grooms 10-12 years ago, I doubt he would have caught on to that before marrying her. <br /><br />So anyway, since I don't have scholarly articles to throw at you (didn't make it past page 2 of the online dating one, I confess), I shall just take the coward's lifeline and say "we shall agree to disagree" and gracefully make my exit:)<br /><br />- SAAAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-65182536263435355952011-02-16T01:42:52.122+05:302011-02-16T01:42:52.122+05:30SAAA is so much better than 'Anonymous'. :...SAAA is so much better than 'Anonymous'. :-)<br /><br />Anyway, about why I think arranged marriages usually work out better for the men:<br />Firstly, given that most Indian families are patriarchal in nature, men/boys are usually more 'prized' than women/girls - which means that the prospective groom's side of the family usually has an inflated estimate of his worth (not just monetary, but in terms of what a good-looking, intelligent, guy he is), whereas for women there isn't (usually), which means that if the matching is being done by the families, the groom's family will typically expect to match him with a girl who might otherwise be, if not out of it entirely, then at least at the upper-bound of his league.<br />Further, by limiting the search based on criteria like age, religion, caste, height etc, arranged marriages also make these parameters far too important in the final decision, compared to say factors like having a sense of humour or being manic depressive or whatever whch might have a much greater bearing on the marriage. Consider this paper by Ariely et al: <a href="http://duke.edu/~dandan/Papers/peopleAreExperienceGoods.pdf" rel="nofollow">PEOPLE ARE EXPERIENCE GOODS: IMPROVING ONLINE DATING WITH VIRTUAL DATE</a> : '...online dating frequently fails to meet user expectations because people, unlike many commodities available for purchase online, are experience goods: Daters wish to screen potential romantic partners by experiential attributes (such as sense of humor or rapport), but online dating Web sites force them to screen by searchable attributes (such as income or religion)'<br />While this paper is talking about online dating, I think the basic idea also holds for any such situation where people have to be matched. It becomes more like filling out a job description and then looking for people whose CV fits that. I think this also works against women - the tolerance levels are much less for them so being even a little too tall, overweight or old automatically rules them out of a lot of potential arranged matches, whereas men are given more leeway. Also, by making parameters like age, income and background more important, it makes it tougher to sift through which men might actually be nice to get to know, especially since very few Indian men (including myself) are spectacularly good-looking or well-groomed.<br />I'm going to stop now because it's late.<br />By the way, do I know you?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-16511573236983017872011-02-15T20:34:21.611+05:302011-02-15T20:34:21.611+05:30Couldn't get the Comments section to work at w...Couldn't get the Comments section to work at work btw...hmm just as well...<br /><br />- SAAAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-34520448239054702302011-02-15T20:30:26.702+05:302011-02-15T20:30:26.702+05:30Okayy, I think this is my cue to emphatically stat...Okayy, I think this is my cue to emphatically state "Oh,SEVERAL" and run for my life.<br /><br />But I find it strange that you think parents would not want a groom who's good-looking, well-mannered, educated and also well-off (or at least at the same rung in the socioeconomic ladder) for their daughter. Granted, looks could be less important, but who'd marry off their daughter to a down-on-his-luck boor? Unless of course the family has a really big skeleton in their Godrej almirah. But even that would work both ways, wouldn't it? As per your definition, I can authoritatively state that the bride's family looks out for a 'trophy' groom too. <br /><br />And the 'thought experiment' is rather unfair, no? Especially in the Malayalee context? The average Malayalee (male AND female) decides to go in for the whole arranged marriage shindig mainly because he/she did/could not date, and if he/she did, did not find marriage material. All I'm saying is that the arranged marriage, if unfair, is so for both parties (if you ignore the dowry angle).<br /><br />- (ducking under cover) Same Anon As Above:DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-85110944562508423952011-02-15T01:18:22.174+05:302011-02-15T01:18:22.174+05:30Well, most of the time the guy's family is all...Well, most of the time the guy's family is allowed to set much higher standards for prospective brides than the corresponding standards set for the grooms. As long as the guy is not an outright cripple or mentally deficient or something, his family is probably going to be looking for some kind of trophy wife who's pretty, well-mannered, educated and (usually) also pretty well-off. I think this predilection for finding a trophy wife has gotten stronger in recent years.<br />Consider this as a thought experiment: how many of the Indian men born in the 80's that you know of who have had an arranged marriage would have been able to actually woo the women they eventually married, if they didn't have their extended families get involved to close out the deal?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-72873919331416258682011-02-15T01:05:30.541+05:302011-02-15T01:05:30.541+05:30Ah well 30-year olds are aunties, except when they...Ah well 30-year olds are aunties, except when they are uncles. It's a fact of life.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13798639260026686429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-47448718632874693012011-02-14T23:54:32.248+05:302011-02-14T23:54:32.248+05:30An engaging post alright. But I didn't really ...An engaging post alright. But I didn't really get why the arranged marriage is "too loaded in favour of the guy"...unless of course you were referring to the dowry bit?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-83536200951525131232011-02-14T23:50:49.518+05:302011-02-14T23:50:49.518+05:30I'm almost 2 years late, but a 20-something ca...I'm almost 2 years late, but a 20-something calling a 30-something "aunty"! ah the conceit of youth...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557651362769702661.post-44598418695880249002011-02-04T00:34:56.554+05:302011-02-04T00:34:56.554+05:3011Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com